Mar
31
Sandwich Generation
Posted by 4T at 08:41 | Filed In Family After 40, Life After 40, Social After 40, Work After 40
Let’s face it. Whether it is taking care of our children, grandchildren, parents, or all of the above, women usually take on the responsibility. To this end many women may be forced to leave their jobs, or go part-time. This means lowering of 401K contributions, lost health, and retirement benefits. Unfortunately, many families seem to be dealing with these issues more and more. There is even a name society has given our generation-the sandwich generation. Smushed between our younger and older family members we are forced to care for both groups. This situation takes a psychological and emotional toll on all family members, especially women.
Some other serious issues that arise when caring for parents, involves the disagreements among siblings about who will pay for this care. It is important to have open communications with family members to figure ways to share finances, as well as, emotional and time burdens. Some tips from financial planners include don’t use your retirement savings. Don’t use your children’s college savings; your children are depending on you. Try to make sure that your parents have long term insurance. Policies range from $1500 to $3000 a year, and the younger you are the better. Urge your parents establish a power of attorney and update their wills.
These are not pleasant subjects to discuss but either are the consequences of not doing these things. It is also important to gather all pertinent information in one spot, but notify family members of this location! A good site for more info is the National Family Caregiving Support Program. An elder law attorney is also a positive source of information.
You just described my life.
I had started my own business–director and owner of a private school (where my three teenage daughters attended) when my mother’s need for care increased. She had had Parkinson’s for years, but now with the added diagnosis is Alzheimer’s and her age (89 years old), it was more than time for her to need full-time care, aka ME.
So, I stepped down as director and became my mother’s full-time caregiver. It’s hard to do emotionally in a time in your life when you feel so on top of the world, so alive and strong and vibrant–and yet you know you’re needed, that no one will quite love them, protect them, understand their needs like you.
I juggled for a while, found supplemental help, my family pitched in but I was an only child of older parents so it wasn’t as if she had siblings or others willing or able to do what I did.
The last 18 months were needless to say grueling on every level, and yet I can still say I’m glad I did this.
Monetarily we took a hit, yes, my health was compromised due to stress, little sleep, strain galore–but I’m still glad I did it and I’ve rebounded.
We have to find a way to deal with caregiving and sandwich generation issues because they’re certainly not going to go away. Families have to be prepared, be flexible, sacrifice at times but not to absolute destruction and learning how to do all this is going to be the new challenge for many, many families today.
~Carol D. O’Dell
Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir
available on Amazon
http://www.mothering-mother.com