Apr
2
Relationships
Posted by 4T at 09:24 | Filed In Family After 40, Life After 40, Social After 40
A few months ago I met my cousin in a food store and while chatting she hit me with the news that she was separating from her husband. She had been married over 20 years and is in her mid forties. I was shocked, surprised, and somewhat sad. She explained to me that she had not been happy for a long time and felt it was time to do something about it. While applauding her strength and determination I was still anxious for her.
Later, when discussing the situation with my husband, we both agreed it was a good thing that they did not have children. It somehow made the breakup less complicated at least in our minds. Hurtful, yes, but less complicated. Shortly after meeting my cousin, I ran into her ex-husband and he told us that the marriage was indeed over and that Joan had met someone else. I felt terrible; he seemed so despondent. I know that divorce is a common occurrence but 20 years with someone is a serious commitment.
I started to think about my own marriage and my relationship with my husband. We have been married for 33 years. I can’t see myself with anyone else. Yes, we fight, or we used to. Now we just sort of shake our heads, or huff, or say a few heated words, and all is well again. We are used to each other, but we are also comfortable. I don’t find our relationship boring. What I think about more is what would it feel like not to have my husband in my life. I met my husband when I was19 years old.
If something happened and we were not together anymore, I don’t think I could meet another man like my cousin did and continue on. Meeting, dating, having sex, living together, is way to complicated at this stage of my life. I give my cousin credit for moving forward and looking for happiness, but I think I would be happier staying single, and filling my life with my work, friends, and travel. For now I’m enjoying the status quo.
