Life After 40

Collagen

4T — Thu, 01 May 2008 13:50:10 +0000

Years ago my daughter visited a nutritionist and was put on a number of vitamins and supplements for stomach and back issues. They helped tremendously and she has continued taking them. She feels the difference if she runs out, especially when it comes to her back pain. So recently, when my husband was complained of back pain my daughter suggested a supplement called CollagenII. We purchased the pills, and after joking and complaining about their size, he began to take them.

Every few days we questioned Dad about his progress, and was told no change yet. With life taking over as it does, two weeks went by, and we stopped asking my husband how he was doing. I noticed though that he was limping and questioned him about it. He stated that his leg was bothering him. This leg pain continued and intensified to the point where he was using a heating pad and taking Aleve like candy. He couldn’t sleep and was miserable. I didn’t think twice about the Collagen, but my husband commented that it was the only new factor in his life. He decided to stop taking it, and three days later he was feeling much better. A week later and the leg pain was completely gone. It was unbelievable. We concluded that the Collagen started to loosen up his joints, causing the surrounding muscles to work harder and therefore causing them to cramp. This is solely our suspicion and not based on any medical knowledge or information, but my husband has sworn off of Collagen, and his leg pain has not returned.

Vacation Shake Up

4T — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 20:23:27 +0000

Recently, on a wonderful vacation to Williamsburg, Virginia my husband discovered that his retirement days may not all be filled with golf. He is not retired yet but often talks about those days with visions of greens, and clubs, and putting, dancing in his head. Our vacation was a wake up call.

My son-in-law had just been fitted for his clubs and was anxious to use them. He too has started to live the game. My husband has been playing, on and off, since he caddied as a young teenager. My daughter and I had already planned our days with spa treatments and shopping. As a group we enjoyed sightseeing, eating, and relaxation. Life is good! After hearing the weather for the week, the men reserved their golf for 3 days -back to back-. Day 1 was drizzling and the course was soggy, but our guys persevered and had lots of stories to tell. The damp weather was causing the pain in my husbands ankles to intensify, and it didn’t help that the golf club had directed a CART PATH ONLY rule which did not allow you to ride to your ball or to the fairway. This involved a lot more walking. The ladies did a lot of walking too, but of the outlet kind. We had a great day. Day 2 for the golfers was again a little damp but their spirits were high. Four and a half hours later they returned as we headed out for our fun at the spa. We all met up for dinner at a fantastic seafood spot and I noticed that my husband was limping more than usual. Again, because of wet weather, the club put into effect the cart path only rule, and my hubby was really hurting. We had reserved a ghost walk tour of the Williamsburg Village that night and were excited to go. It was a lengthy walk and my husband used his cane and sat whenever he could. Day 3 of golf began without my better half. He decided that he wasn’t up to it, not an easy decision for him, and my son-in-law was on his own. Later that day we learned that the cart path only rule had been lifted and you were able to drive to your ball. I still don’t think my hubby would have made it, but I know he would have tried if he knew.

My husband feels that every other day would have been a better option for him with regards to golf, and that night time walk definitely added to the problem. May be once or twice a week would be a perfect retirement golf schedule with days in between filled with kakuro, boating, movies, and day trips. I guess that is why experts tell you to think and rethink your retirement plans. Experience different things, learn to relax, and take up new hobbies; you never know were your interests may lie.

Retiring Outside of the United States

4T — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 13:59:45 +0000

Many retirees can’t afford the high cost of living in the United States. With so many boomers now approaching retirement age alternate places are being investigated. Mexico is one such place. A large amount of senior citizens have made living near Lake Chapala, Mexico their new home. The cost of living is reasonable and good medical care by U.S. trained doctors is available. Fresh food is abundant and there are lots of activities to keep seniors busy. Also, it is an easy commute by bus, plane or car, to the States.

Panama is another country that provides a reasonable cost of living and English is a common language. If you live by the beach snorkeling and fishing is very popular. Some seniors choose to live in the mountains where it is cooler and very scenic. The drive is short to cities that have stores that are familiar to us. Panama City has many modern conveniences, Donald Trump is even building condos there, and the internet service is strong. It is only a 2 1/2 hour flight from Miami. Panama welcomes retirees and offers them discounts and other benefits including a 20 year tax-free status.

Costa Rica is another good country to consider. Prices aren’t as cheap as they used to be but it is still a reasonable alternative. Ecuador’s cost of living is reasonable and offers sound real estate prices. Food is cheap as is their medical costs. It is a well kept secret destination.

In recent years Argentina and Brazil have been places of interest and provide great places to retire and invest in. You should learn some Spanish and Portuguese as well as their customs to make the transition more comfortable.

If you prefer the cold, Nova Scotia, Canada may be a good choice. It provides Universal health care, inexpensive prescription drugs, and affordable oceanfront real estate in North America.

If you are looking to Europe skip Italy and France as they are overpriced. Croatia, in Eastern Europe, offers a low cost of living, and experts predict that it will become a new retirement haven. Whatever area you choose, do your homework, research, read books, and check the internet. After choosing, plan a trip and stay for months, and be sure to talk to the locals. Consult competent real estate agents, and knowledgeable attorneys before signing on the dotted line.

Oh, The Pain

4T — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:44:13 +0000

I had a bone density test, as suggested after you reach a certain age, and the results were fine. I take calcium pills because I don’t get enough from my diet. So why are my teeth in such bad condition? I know that heredity has something to do with it, but this is ridiculous! After 45, my teeth began to crack and chip like candy. I’ve had some serious pain, followed by numerous root canals, followed by caps. Can you smell the money? Aside from the expense, the time spent out of work has been major. With all this experience you would think that I could handle any procedure with ease, but not so. I’ve become more fearful, and anxious.

The first question I ask is where is the nitrous oxide? I hate the Novocaine and the after effect. I think that is why I wait so long now when I start to feel pain. I try to will it away, and take a number of Ibuprofen too. Recently, I was having jaw pain that just intensified. After the dreaded trip to the dentist I learned that I needed 5 teeth extracted. Not one of my proudest moments when I whined like a three year old. The extractions were done after I had been totally sedated, so that was not so bad. It was the recovery that was Hell! Ice packs for swelling, Ibuprofen or more for pain, sleeping upright for the oozing.

The ice packs worked at first, but the pain pills made me sick to my stomach, or maybe it was the antibiotics. You should eat with those right? Well that wasn’t happening since I had cavernous holes on both sides of my mouth. On the third day after surgery, the pain was getting worse and I was experiencing swelling on one side of my face. You guessed it – dry socket. This required another trip to the dentist with my anxiety in tow. OK, a few days later and I was much better.

I guess my point is this: age and experience does not bring quicker healing and less trepidation when it comes to dentistry.

Vacationing with Adult Kids

4T — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 13:15:40 +0000

My husband and I recently completed a week vacation with my daughter and her husband. It was very relaxing and very unstructured. We each got up when we chose to, eat when and what we wanted during the day, and then went out for a nice dinner every night. I remember traveling with the kids when they were young. Every moment was accounted for, every activity planned. Relaxation was a dirty word. Just packing and planning took weeks. For this trip, I packed the night before and didn’t forget a thing. My husband and I took our car, and the kids drove theirs, so we had plenty of room for our stuff, and we stopped when we needed to without inconveniencing anyone. The men played golf a couple of times while we shopped and got a pedicure. Oh life is good! Even though we went with our kids, as adults, we all got along very well. When grandchildren come along the crazy fun begins again and that will be another phase in our life after 40.

Sex and the Boomers

4T — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:13:22 +0000

Women reach their sexual peak at age 35, men at age 18. What is wrong with this picture? And what does this say for those over 40? There are some issues for us old timers, but nothing that we can’t handle. There are a lot of pluses too that can make sex more pleasurable in our older years.

By midlife, you should know your body and what is pleasurable. Hopefully you have shed your sexual inhibitions and gained some sexual confidence which should result in a pleasant experience for both of you. Once past menopause women and their partners no longer have to worry about pregnancy and are able to relax. Older couples who are retired have more opportunity and energy for lovemaking. There are some issues that need attention though as couples age.

Erectile dysfunction is not caused by age itself but by diminishing hormone levels. Men now need more stimulation and if they would just allow the women to do a little more work and relax they may enjoy an extended foreplay as opposed to rushing it. Males timing may actually match their females partners now since it has always taken the female a longer time to become aroused. Physical factors can play a large role in female satisfaction as she ages. Hormonal changes at menopause can affect a womans sexual response. Low estrogen levels can result in vaginal dryness, causing discomfort. Many over the counter lubricants can alleviate this problem, some even eliminate them for days.

Sex as we age may call for a series of adjustments, and that doesn’t mean running off with a 20 something, but if we communicate our desires things will work out. Understanding that changes are inevitable and normal can help to make sex as great as ever, albeit not as often.

Birthday Blues

4T — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:21:28 +0000

Two days ago was my birthday. I turned 55. I woke up depressed, not because of my age, that’s not an issue. I really don’t know why., and the day did not get better. Usually when my families birthdays roll around I ask the birthday person what they would like to eat and what kind of cake they would prefer. I make the dinner of their choice, or what I know they would like, and we gather at my house for food and gifts. It’s only 7 of us; my husband and I, my daughter and her husband, my son and his girlfriend, and my mother-in-law. We used to go out to eat when the kids were younger but now we do the stay at home thing.

Last year the family asked what we would do on my birthday. I cooked one of my favorite meals and bought myself a cake. They came over and brought gifts, and it was like any other day. This year they asked again what are we doing for my birthday. I didn’t feel like cooking, and eating out is expensive. I really didn’t feel like celebrating, but mostly, I didn’t feel like planning my own birthday. My children are on their own, not living at home and have jobs. Am I wrong to feel that they should plan something, even if it is cake and coffee somewhere? My mother-in-law has her own apartment and is self sufficient and yet she wanted to know what the plan was. So that night my husband fell asleep, I had ice cream for dinner and that was my birthday. Is it too much to ask, or expect, my family to plan a small birthday celebration for me. Or am I being babyish? Well, maybe next year will work out better.

Why Do Men Cheat?

4T — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 18:56:09 +0000

Recently, I met to friends who have become divorced within the past two years. One had found out that her husband had been cheating on her for 10 years, with the same women. The other friend’s husband left her for a younger women. Both women are in their early 50’s, successful, beautiful, and devastated. Their families were shattered and everyone is in therapy, trying to figure out what went wrong.

That brings me to my question: why do men cheat? Some experts say that it is brought about by low self esteem. Having one women love them is not enough, they need that constant reassurance. I think it’s about virility, control of women, and their ability to attract women. They feel like their missing something sexually and have a desire to experiment. Maybe the thrill and excitement of cheating with a younger person makes them feel young again.

OK, I understand all that, but there is still that issue of choice. If a man or women, for that matter, stopped to think that their significant other might do the same thing, they may think twice. Everyone thinks that they can get away with cheating. Is your life so bad that you need to throw it away? Can’t you discuss your unhappiness with your spouse, or go to counseling? If that fails, leave gracefully. It still hurts, it’s still life altering, but I think it is easier for the other person to understand.

Some men just want it all: stability, at least to the outside world, and fun and excitement that seeing someone else may bring, if only temporarily. People don’t think about getting caught, causing pain, and losing their family. They are selfish, and live in the moment. We always tell young children to think before they speak, think before they do something because there are consequences for our actions. That advice should be brought to mind periodically throughout our lives.

Relationships

4T — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:24:56 +0000

A few months ago I met my cousin in a food store and while chatting she hit me with the news that she was separating from her husband. She had been married over 20 years and is in her mid forties. I was shocked, surprised, and somewhat sad. She explained to me that she had not been happy for a long time and felt it was time to do something about it. While applauding her strength and determination I was still anxious for her.

Later, when discussing the situation with my husband, we both agreed it was a good thing that they did not have children. It somehow made the breakup less complicated at least in our minds. Hurtful, yes, but less complicated. Shortly after meeting my cousin, I ran into her ex-husband and he told us that the marriage was indeed over and that Joan had met someone else. I felt terrible; he seemed so despondent. I know that divorce is a common occurrence but 20 years with someone is a serious commitment.

I started to think about my own marriage and my relationship with my husband. We have been married for 33 years. I can’t see myself with anyone else. Yes, we fight, or we used to. Now we just sort of shake our heads, or huff, or say a few heated words, and all is well again. We are used to each other, but we are also comfortable. I don’t find our relationship boring. What I think about more is what would it feel like not to have my husband in my life. I met my husband when I was19 years old.

If something happened and we were not together anymore, I don’t think I could meet another man like my cousin did and continue on. Meeting, dating, having sex, living together, is way to complicated at this stage of my life. I give my cousin credit for moving forward and looking for happiness, but I think I would be happier staying single, and filling my life with my work, friends, and travel. For now I’m enjoying the status quo.

Sandwich Generation

4T — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 13:41:58 +0000

Let’s face it. Whether it is taking care of our children, grandchildren, parents, or all of the above, women usually take on the responsibility. To this end many women may be forced to leave their jobs, or go part-time. This means lowering of 401K contributions, lost health, and retirement benefits. Unfortunately, many families seem to be dealing with these issues more and more. There is even a name society has given our generation-the sandwich generation. Smushed between our younger and older family members we are forced to care for both groups. This situation takes a psychological and emotional toll on all family members, especially women.

Some other serious issues that arise when caring for parents, involves the disagreements among siblings about who will pay for this care. It is important to have open communications with family members to figure ways to share finances, as well as, emotional and time burdens. Some tips from financial planners include don’t use your retirement savings. Don’t use your children’s college savings; your children are depending on you. Try to make sure that your parents have long term insurance. Policies range from $1500 to $3000 a year, and the younger you are the better. Urge your parents establish a power of attorney and update their wills.

These are not pleasant subjects to discuss but either are the consequences of not doing these things. It is also important to gather all pertinent information in one spot, but notify family members of this location! A good site for more info is the National Family Caregiving Support Program. An elder law attorney is also a positive source of information.